Letter to couple/Dedication to Andy Rooney, the “Did you ever notice…” guy from the newsmagazine show 60 Minutes
When you ask me to dogsit,
And I’ve never been in your house before,
And your dog likes to chew things,
And eat things,
Like he did to a pair of my underwear,
And like the yarn balls
In the basket where you keep the yarn balls:
Please move the sex toys
Out of the yarn ball basket
So that I don’t come home from work
And see chewed up yarn balls all over the floor
And chewed up sex toys all over the floor
That I then have to inform you were
Chewed up by your dog,
So that you don’t get some strange disease
That no one has ever heard of.
Put them in a box
Or a cabinet
Or, I don’t know, wherever the dog
Won’t stick his face.
Did you ever notice that dogs are always
Sticking their faces where they don’t belong?